Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Bottle of lotion $ 2.59, Box of Kleenex $3.19 Roll of pictures taken of random girls at the beach $6.50 Having your wife walk in and see it is not pictures of her , PRICELESS

   I Think there is in every girl's life a boy she'll never forget and a summer where it all began.

   Playing hide and go seek in walmart... I take mature and classy to whole new levels

   I would like to thank Benny Hill for turning me on to British humor and all natural Breast when I was a kid... Still funny and still awesome!!!

   millions of my potential children died on your sisters face last night!!

   thinking of the immortal words of Socrates who said..."I drank what?"

   I like to follow up a compliment with a threat. For example, "Nice shirt! I'll fight you for it."

   Irony is people complaining about Facebook's privacy settings when every other update is about their weekly visit to their gynecologist.

   on Facebook for social networking; not for digital farms and aquariums. Quit asking me to adopt your fish or join your farm because really I don't care if your fish dies or if your entire farm burns. Thanks :)

   says If the NBA really wanted me to watch, they'd be playing Hockey instead eh!!

   hates facebook! you ever go to click on someones name in chat n they log off.

   I can't wait to go home and rip off my ex-girl friend's underwear!! They have been giving me wedgies all day

   Dear Life, You have some explaining to do...

   Fact: If a person thinks they're big enough to stick their nose in someone else's buisness, be big enough to take it when it gets bitten off!

   heard that Greece won at the world cup today...given their recent debt write downs it's a good thing they didn't have to buy a goal.

   The strawberry shampoo doesn't taste as good as it smells.

   is wondering why people ask tall people if they play basket ball but not ask short people if they work for willy wonka

   If the NBA really wanted me to watch, they'd be play Football instead!!

   When sh*t dont look right, Start a fight.

   Really classmate.com you're really gonna stay in business...even though Facebook does what you do for free?