Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Mistakes are made from time to time. Without them, most of us would have never been born.

   Is it just me, or did former First Lady Barbara Bush remind you of George Washington? Just askin'...

   Bull fighting in Spain has been outlawed due to protests from animal rights activist. Not to worry, the bulls will have a new career when people can once again enjoy them. The Arby's 5 for 5.95 deal.

   I guess having voices in your head isn't so bad if it's James Earl Jones or Morgan Freeman.

   I like that Dollar General store because you don't have to get all dressed up like you do when you go to Walmart.

   Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

   I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

   If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...

   "Follow your heart" is the biggest bunch of bullsh*t Ive ever heard!!!

   Things are always better when you get a pat on the Butt!!!!

   "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall"

   "Women are made to be loved, not understood."

   --^v--^v--^v--^v--^v_______literally bored to death_____

   When I handwrite an entire page it looks like I've had a stroke by paragraph two.

   A couple of kids asked me to teach them greatness so I bought all of them Miller light & told them to drink... Anymore questions?

   I just bent down to pet my cat, and it wasn't my cat. It turns out to be a sweater crumbled on the floor. I need better glasses!

   Sarcasm........ Killing relationships since eve Adam ate that apple

   BP says it will emerge from the current situation "smaller and wiser." I assume sea life will emerge "shinier and more waterproof."

   There is a difference between a porn stash and a porn 'stache.

   I'd like to buy the world a Coke and keep it company.