Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If life were more like a movie, we'd all be dead after about 90 minutes.

   Joined a cult today.

   Why do we say sorry even when they bumped into us? It's way funnier when people say "Excuse You" anyways.

   What do you do if an elephant comes through your window? ........Swim for your life !!!.......jlm

   If I deleted people from my home page, wouldn't it just make more sense to delete them completely?

   They call me brown sugar because I'm so sweet!

   playing COD MW2 to give my brain cells something fun to do in case they're no longer around on Saturday morning after Friday nights events.

   Life Aint Always What It Seems To Be .. you Have Ur Ups N Downs Either Happily Or Sad But At The End Of The Day you Gotta Jus Forget Bout All That N Hope you Wake Up To Live The Next Day

   You call it "too lazy to start something", I call it "patience"...

   bit another finger trying to eat way too many french fries at once

   The political correctness has gone mad. I can't even refer to my child as "my disabled son". Apparently the correct term is "daughter"!?!?

   True Fact: Economic analysts find that the unemployment rate remains at a standstill due to Ryan Seacrest's many job acquisitions within the past several years

   Needs a weekend for my weekend

   Opportunity knocked, but by the time I took off the chain, pushed back the bolt, unhooked two locks and shut off the alarm, it was too late..

   this may sound crazy but I got head on my mind ;)

   They call us the Febreze Brothers because we are so fresh!!

   Here is to another nite I'm not going to remember..

   ...just heard that Britney told E! that Paris doesn't have a problem with drugs. isn't that like asking Chester Cheetah if the Cookie Monster has a problem with carbs...

   ahhh! The life of an overworked Zombie

   One of life's purest joys is discovering that something has pockets.