Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I think it is funny as hell. Then again I love my own brand of comedy!!

   You should not clean a gun while loaded....Unless you're wiping off fingerprints!!

   hard at work trying to crate train my hamster but, he just doesn't get it...so ive decided to train him to use the litter box!!! and who better to teach him than my cat.....

   Sex is like Spades...If you don't have a good partner, you have to have a good hand.

   sweating like a blind lesbian in a fish shop

   I had a serious talk with my crew supervisor today, because nobody showed up for work. I told him we needed to let ONE go not JUAN...

   halfway through eating a horse and realized... I'm not as hungry as I thought

   ...yikes! saw a bunch of vegetarian zombies at the store today. all they could say was "GRRRAAAIIIIIINNNSSS"

   if at first you don't succeed, try again until you bleed

   My Dad took the "how horny are you ? " test. the result was "very horny" and my mom clicked the like button. - I'm so not sleeping at home tonight...

   Famous last words, "Here, watch this!" Says a child just before demonstrating how an egg soaked in vinegar will bounce.

   Remember when you were a kid and used to blow bubbles? Well Bubbles called and he wants your phone number...

   playing Call of Booty

   Physicists have yet to explain why 200 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but only three registers will be open

   A psycho and a teenage girl are walking thru dark scary woods..Teanage girls says"My I am very scared walking thru these woods" The psycho replies"How do you think I feel ? I have to walk back alone"

   remember the old 80's drug commercials..The fryin pan and the egg? This is your brain....this is your brain on drugs...any questions? yeah can I have some bacon and toast with that ?

   King rule - Raja decide what PM and other minsters want to do. Now ministers and others will decide the fate of Raja.

   predicts Peppermint Patty invites herself and her friends over to Charlie Brown's for Thanksgiving again this year.

   Like a Kamikaze pilot, I stay fly till I die.

   and, finally, what do you call a deer with no eyes? I-Have-No-I-Deer!