Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   its ALOHA Friday no work till monday !!!

   Changing the face can change nothing. But facing the change can change everything.

   I'm stuck to the couch. I think I'm half man half sofa now. Just call me a mofa.

   Note to self: stop buying stuff on Ebay when drunk. Anyone need a zamboni?

   I just googled the word ''anagram'' and it said, ''Did you mean: nag a ram?'' Well played, Google. Well played.

   The worst thing about calling in sick today is not being able to post last night's rage fest pictures until this weekend.

   Wedding's in 3 weeks, I wish I could invite all of you but the Waffle House only fits 43.

   I hate whoever invented 6:30 am

   When people say "don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful" you shouldn't answer with "Don't worry, I have plenty of other reasons to hate you."

   Relationships would be great if it wasn't for all those feelings.

   I have a new rule: No one is allowed to talk to me for a minimum of 24 hours after I wake up.

   waiting for everyone else to post their birthday message on my buddy's wall so I can cut and paste the one I like best.

   I'm wondering which is worse; the fact i'm is talking to the toaster or the fact that the toaster is talking back

   has a perfect body, but it's in the trunk and starting to smell

   I'm having a Deja vu of Christmas posts

   Just gonna stand there and watch me roar, but that's alright because I am a dinosaur.

   standing under the mistletoe but would rather be under the cameltoe!

   Dropping the fish I had for lunch off at the pond

   wonders if there's an alternative to mistletoe. one that allows punching.

   has to go pee. and soon, or it's gonna be a BP