Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5481 of 6446

its ALOHA Friday no work till monday !!!
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11-19-2010 13:58
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Changing the face can change nothing. But facing the change can change everything.
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11-19-2010 13:45 by fofo
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I'm stuck to the couch. I think I'm half man half sofa now. Just call me a mofa.

Note to self: stop buying stuff on Ebay when drunk. Anyone need a zamboni?

I just googled the word ''anagram'' and it said, ''Did you mean: nag a ram?'' Well played, Google. Well played.
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11-19-2010 13:36 by Lesley
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The worst thing about calling in sick today is not being able to post last night's rage fest pictures until this weekend.

Wedding's in 3 weeks, I wish I could invite all of you but the Waffle House only fits 43.

I hate whoever invented 6:30 am

When people say "don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful" you shouldn't answer with "Don't worry, I have plenty of other reasons to hate you."

Relationships would be great if it wasn't for all those feelings.

I have a new rule: No one is allowed to talk to me for a minimum of 24 hours after I wake up.

waiting for everyone else to post their birthday message on my buddy's wall so I can cut and paste the one I like best.
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11-19-2010 12:58 by levon
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I'm wondering which is worse; the fact i'm is talking to the toaster or the fact that the toaster is talking back
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11-19-2010 12:22
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has a perfect body, but it's in the trunk and starting to smell
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11-19-2010 12:19
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I'm having a Deja vu of Christmas posts
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11-19-2010 12:09
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Just gonna stand there and watch me roar, but that's alright because I am a dinosaur.
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11-19-2010 11:48 by mmZZ41n
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standing under the mistletoe but would rather be under the cameltoe!
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11-19-2010 11:45
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Dropping the fish I had for lunch off at the pond
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11-19-2010 11:25 by Aaron
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wonders if there's an alternative to mistletoe. one that allows punching.

has to go pee. and soon, or it's gonna be a BP