Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   driving and texting on his new cell pho......sweet merciful Jesus , He's heading right toward us .....freaking maniac

   Today is my Friday, but yesterday was not my Thursday, because that's Thanksgiving and we all know Thanksgiving is in two more days, and tomorrow is not my Saturday, it's just Wednesday. Yesterday was Monday, not just in my world, but everywhere. Don't kn

   I am thankful for the hide feature on FB.

   There are more men than women in mental hospitals... which just goes to show who's driving whom crazy.

   TSA new tagline: We handle more packages than UPS!

   TSA reports an huge increase in job applications submitted to the Miami office.

   driving out to the family farm for Thanksgiving. But first, a stop at the airport for a quickie.

   Wanna play airport?

   GLORY HOLE (post on your buddy's wall)

   crashing your family dinner on Thursday and bringing along a keg, dancers, a donkey and Cool Whip for the pie!

   believes they should change the "maybe" response to event invitations to "yep, unless I get a better offer before then".

   Dear God, I know you wouldn't give me anything I couldn't handle, but right now, I wish you didn't trust me so much...

   TSA: Touching, Squeezing, Arresting...

   having a bad day. the sidewalk tripped me, the wall ran into me and I got hit by a parked car. could my day get any worse? :)

   @ TSA: Can't see London, can't see France, unless we see your underpants. Grope discounts available.

   Does the Advance Pat Down come with an happy ending?

   Goodbye mistletoe belt bucket....hello mistletoe boxer shorts.

   "Real, Recognize Real, And I Can't See Or Hear None Of Yall." -Helen Keller

   my girlfriend asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I replied "space". Was that wrong?

   decided to burn lots of calories today.....so I set a fat kid on fire. :)