Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm doing a water balloon drive by at bestbuy tonight at 23:00 hours...... Whose with me?!?!

   Anyone that asks me to go shopping on Black Friday will be slapped.

   Heroine killed the curiosity cat.....

   can't decide which one goes better with cranberry sauce...Grey Goose or Wild Turkey?

   I consider gluttony my patriotic duty today.

   Shot my first turkey yesterday....scared the sh!t out of everybody in the frozen food section!

   "Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist."

   I shot my first turkey yesterday....scared the crap out of everybody in the frozen food section!

   The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything they have.

   gravy flavored coffee. Poor choice.

   never call a newborn "My little tax deduction" in front of your wife.... Trust me.

   you get what you pay for... Nothing proves this more than toilet paper and hookers

   if you wanna womanise.., you should condomise..

   Since everything is closed for Thanksgiving I'm going to drive around and park in all the good spots I never get.

   three strikes in Wii bowling I got a turkey :D Happy Thanksgiving Me.

   planning on stuffing my turkey with Froot Loops - I find it is colorfully festive and fun for the kids!

   at home on White Wednesday.....just sayin

   Why do Koreans fight among themselves? It must be hard because they all look alike so nobody knows who to shot whom.

   May your turkey be overstuffed and the belt on your robe loose enough. Happy Thanksgiving!

   making a Thanksgiving mix Tape