Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Why is the Sunday paper available on Saturday, does nothing happen that's worth calling news on Saturday?

   I'll call the people I see at work "coworkers" as soon as they start doing some work.

   My mom always said kill them with kindness, but for you I'm getting my gun!

   Dumb ass week: If you know a dumb ass that has made you want to slap them every time you read there post, repost in your status!!!

   i wish laundry was asexual so it could do itself.

   Fool people into thinking you actually go outside by updating your Facebook status via your mobile phone

   nothing makes you feel old like that girl your co-workers are ogling at was born when you graduated HS, and her mom babysat you as a kid!

   Hooters should start a home delivery service and call it Knockers.

   Guy: Wanna go out with me? Girl: I have a boyfriend. Guy: I have a test tomorrow. Girl: And? Guy: Sorry, I thought we were naming things we could cheat on

   Read a chat while on the phone is not a good idea..."How you feeling?"..."I'm feeling wet"...

   just a thought... practice what you preach!!!

   There's no doubt that a man's mind is behind Facebook. Why? Because it will ask you "What's on your mind?" and then it will put a limit on how long your status can be.

   told my girl her breath smells like al sharptons car seat ....couch tonight....(db)

   Guys that watch Jersey Shore are gay.

   Why people comment on Pics saying sht like: I like this... thats why the "Like" button is there.

   Free to a any home (good or bad): Prime Minister David Cameron & Chancellor George Osbourne. If interested don't contact the people of the UK... Just take them. PLEASE!!!!

   Why do people point at a clock and say “Is that the time?” and your thinking, “Nah mate its a Hamburger, Have a Bite

   how can Facebook ask “whats on my mind” then have a limit on how long your status can be ?

   setting the temperature of his room to "room temperature". It seems to be the best temperature for his room.

   gonna wear his camouflage underwear, to support my troops.