Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   how can Facebook ask “whats on my mind” then have a limit on how long your status can be ?

   setting the temperature of his room to "room temperature". It seems to be the best temperature for his room.

   gonna wear his camouflage underwear, to support my troops.

   Telling me to calm down is the only guaranteed way to piss me off.

   She would rather have a best friend for a lifetime, then a boyfriend for a week...

   off to Mamby-Pamby land in search of self-confidence.

   the closest thing we ever got to a 3D movie was my friends Donkey punching me while watching Rocky

   s Akon 2006 "I wanna f**k you" .. Akon 2008 " I wanna make love right now na na na" .. Akon 2010 "I just had sex!" .. poor guy waited 4 years!

   Vodka is made from potatoes. Which means once upon a time, someone looked at a potato and figured out how to drink it, Genius! but now I'm worried about Banana milk shake...

   you say it best when you say nothing at all

   Party ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ at my __̴ı̴̴̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡ ̡̡͡|̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲͡▫̲̲͡͡ ̲|̡

   This might sound like an a-hole thing for me to say, but I think I could take Muhammad Ali now.

   (̅_̅_̅_̅(̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅̅_̅()ڪے~ ~ Smoking Kills! So why don't you have another.

   thinking that it was not a good ideal to eat a glazed donut over my keyboard...

   I'm not ignoring you, I'm denying your existence.

   Thinks that if someone says plz because it's shorter than please, you should say no because it's shorter than yes.

   S.C.H.O.O.L. = Seven Crappy Hours Of Our Life

   Who cares if taco bell isn't using all beef, whatever it is it taste good and it's playing the part!

   One thing I miss about childhood is being able to throw a snowball at someone's head without the authorities getting involved.

   How is it my cat is only one foot tall but his azz is always at eye level?