Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Real cases, real people, real emotional abuse....JUDGE JUDY

   My grandma and your grandma were sitting by the fire, my grandma pushed your grandma right in the fire...that's just how she rolls.

   A t.v. christian dating site commercial : Hey Christians, want to be in a meaningful relationship? ...whoa whoa whoa...arent they IN a MEANINGFUL relationship...with GOD?

   I'll have a cheeseburger, minus the burger, cheese, bread, and add tequila

   A school in Kentucky is going to start teaching the Bible in the class room.....yea that's great...but I didn't know anyone in Kentucky knew how to read.

   Whenever I say, "I don't mean that in a bad way"... yeah, I probably do.

   Democrats...Republicans...News Media....Racial tension....let's put the blame where it belongs....THANKS EVE, HAVE "ANOTHER " APPLE !!!!!

   remember when cops really wanted to PROTECT and SERVE and teachers really wanted to EDUCATE children? I miss the 1800's

   Poor Snooki, Charlie Sheen wouldnt even hit that.

   Wisconsin 0...Gov. Walker 1....now go home and put your cheese head hats on.

   FOR SALE: Wedding dress, size 12, worn once by mistake.

   Where you find true friendship, You find true love.

   Talked to Mom tonight. She said she got a good 8 inches in Albany tonight. God I hope she's talking about snow...

   I think the guy in the Trojan personal messager commercial is way too happy that his girl friend got 3 of them

   Okay I have time to get an hour of sleep before I need to get ready for work. Bed get ready because this needs to be quick but meaningful.

   looking for a landingstrip to a hanger where I can park my plane in for the night.

   You've just gotta love that awkward moment when you start telling a story and you realize no one's listening, so you slowly fade out and pretend you never said anything.

   cuddling up with a good book and a cup of tea. Ah, who am I kidding....I'm looking at Hustler and having a beer,

   When writing the story of your life... Don't let anyone hold the pen!!!

   I've perfected the art of the “You're telling me a story that I don't care about, but I'm trying to look interested” face.