Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I've been working a side hustle delivering for restaurants and so far as I can tell, those X-rated movies are bull crap.

   I haven’t wanted to drink an ice cold beer this bad in a bar since I was underage.

   Grown ass men on Facebook playing Eye spy..Really?..Well when you're done playing that, maybe you can pull out your childhood easy bake oven, and make us all some cupcakes.

   Tomorrow is the National Homeschool Tornado Drill. Lock your kids in the basement until you give the all clear.

   With this corona virus thing, just heard that infidelity is down 99.9%

   On the bright side, at least we found a way to stop mass shooting in schools, offices, malls and concerts.

   Now all of a sudden having a mask, rubber gloves, duct tape, a gallon of bleach and plastic sheeting in the trunk of my car is okay.

   I don't know who needs to hear this, but you already ate.

   List ten jobs. Nine should be jobs you have actually done. One should be a lie. Let's see if people can guess the fib! My list is below: 1. Waitress 2. Bartender 3. Video Store Clerk 4. Payroll Acct 5.Factory Line Worker 6. Auto Parts Manager 7. Chef 8.

   With the stay at home order in some states, I wonder how soon it will be before we start hearing about people going stir-crazy like Jack Nicholson in the movie The Shining.

   Thanks for the post!

   My friend is terrible at geography...his grade is below C level

   My friend comes up to me and says "Hey I smell weed!" I said "Why aren't you 6 feet away?"

   All the pigeons be like where the eff is everyone??

   there another tax we can pay to stop Covid 19 or does that just work for climate change?

   Michigan is now 5th in the nation for Corona virus cases, but I wouldn't worry too much. They'll lose to Iowa and Wisconsin and eventually fall out of the top 20 altogether.

   The below post, I checked on his Twitter page. Now I see why he's this stupid. SMH.

   This is why the government won’t tell us if aliens are real. You fockers will panic and buy all the tin foil.

   Some youths have stolen all the bus stop signs down my road... Where do they get off?

   Bees: why are all the humans disappearing