Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   heard Chaz Bono insisted he be paired with a female partner on "Dancing With The Stars" so ABC immediately went out and got Richard Simmons!

   Lil Wayne will not be upstaged by the Carter/Knowles clan tonight. When he brings Drake out to announce Drakes pregnant by him.

   So i'm heading down to the ballgame with my 2 buddies, and some guy says to me: "are they going too". I replied: "No, there just coming to sit in the car while I watch the game"... Why do people stupidly state the obvious?

   You keep me humble, you catch my stumble and you never let me crumble!

   congratulations on your 100th problem jay-z!

   ‎Lady Gaga came as a man ... Nicki Minaj came as GaGa & Jay-Z Came inside Beyoncé.... *LIKE* this if you agree LMAO.... :D

   Now completely convinced that Lady-Man GaGa is a dude..

   Just watched the MTV VMA's. Was it just me or did Lady Gaga and Bruno Mars look like brothers?

   Lady GaGa looked like Ralph Machio from Karate Kid on the VMA's tonight

   i think jay z and beyonce child is gonna be the anti christ... i'm just saying

   If abortion is Murder, does that make condoms kidnapping?

   convinced God made mosquitos and flies just to watch us slap ourselves

   A teacher told me about a growing trend in the younger grades: banning erasers from class, so kids don't have to feel like they're wrong.

   Use this form for submissions only. Viola"No more Foreign Aid until every American is fed, clothed and has a home" I would vote for any man or woman that promised that...wouldn't care what color, religion or who he/she slept with....PERIOD!!

   not watching jersey shores!!!!!!

   I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use. 

   Man is the only animal that has the True Religion – several of them. He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat, if his theology isn't straight.

   girl its your booty..not your beauty!!!!

   If I were rich I would be eccentric, but I'm not rich, so I'm just weird instead

   Irene knocked out my power and I suppose it wasnt the best idea to eat all of the food in my fridge before it goes bad. I just had some warm apple juice and icecream soup and now I am pregnant with a vicious food baby. I predict birth in about 20mins.