Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Before you go on and say how glad and relieved you are that you dodged that bullet, make sure that the bullet is not saying the same thing. 
Due to the holiday my status will be closed... I Will reopen tomorrow at 8am. Sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused.. Enjoy your day people!!
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it's strapped to the top of someone's car.
Before you get married try walking with your partner through IKEA. If you don't end up in an argument, you're good to go.
Labor Day, when we briefly pause from demonizing unions to enjoy mattress sales in their honor.
Bumper stickers from past elections are the tramp stamps of the automobile world.
if you don't have a job on Labor day, celebrate by finding a job.
What's with these silly women always talking about how they don't need a man in their lives? B*tch, I also don't need a Ferrari but you don't hear me talking about it every damn minute.
D*CK-RID·ING² [dik,rahy-ding] - noun. The Act of Continuously OVER-praising an individual, with intentions of being noticed.
It sucks when you're on Facebook, and you see people having more fun in their lives than you do.
If you can't tell if a girl is fat or pregnant, don't say anything.
Wow, you're tall. Do you play basketball? ..Wow, you're short. Do you play mini golf?
Don't make fun of a fat guy with a lisp. He's probably thick and tired of it.
How do I approach my neighbors and tell them that their WiFi isn't working properly and they might need to reset the modem?
McBoyfriend; a boyfriend whose idea of being romantic to his girl is taking her out to McDonald's.
Getting mad at people because you did something stupid only makes you an angry stupid fool.
The most unpleasant people on Earth: Old, wounded, narrow-minded and religious types.
Ladies; if you don't know how to dance, just spell your name with your butt. Problem solved.
"Hold on playa!" ~ Ghetto Yield sign.
My phone battery dies faster than a black guy in a horror movie. 