Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Remember when we used to do prank calls growing up? Now those spam calls are karma getting us back.

   Today is the first day of Spring. That means I can be over with my Seasonal Depression and go back to my Regular Depression.

   The Tick Tock clock is ticking.

   I worked out with a dumbell yesterday I FEEL VIGOROUS

   2nd birthday, fun, energetic

   If you take a social media sabbatical, don't announce it. Just make your last post something fun like "I wonder if there's a bear in this cave?"

   Just got home from Oklahoma. It was OK.

   Customer service in 2024: "I don't know the answer and neither does anybody else. I suggest that you call back another time. Now before I let you go, is there anything else I can help you with?"

   Marriage tip: If your wife says she's only getting two things at the store, don't believe her. She's lying!

   Good Day @everyone. our College Orientation & Research Symposium will be re schedule

   How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb? No one knows. They never get to keep the house.

   I got into a debate with a Flat Earther today . He said he would walk to the edge to prove he's right.... I told him he'd come around eventually.

   My class essay on internal organs was too short. So I added an appendix.

   Tonight is the best night of the year to have relations with the old lady…you can set performance records if you start at 1:58 am🤪

   All my post were removed, because someone took A Fence

   I'm already losing an hour on Sunday for daylight savings time. No way in hell am I losing more by watching the Oscars!

   This Sunday, Daylight Saving Time begins. We don't save any daylight. It gets stolen from the morning and is given to the evening. Daylight Stealing Time.

   Somebody ripped a page out of my new 2024 calendar! I'm disMayed!

   When I was a kid, before Facebook, I remember when taking the time out and having to stare at a wall was considered a punishment.

   Anyone else buy bananas that are not only a great source of fiber and vitamins but can also help maintain a healthy heart just to watch them die a slow and miserable death sitting on your counter?