Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I think the salesman at Bob's Discount Furniture misunderstood when I told him I wanted one nightstand.

   I dont know who baby daddy need to hear this but Walmart got Mother’s Day cards in 4 packs

   I just love Chinese food. My favorite dish is number 27.

   If you're not Catholic. Kindly shut the f**k about the new Pope.

   Come on be funny again

   There you go.

   You can post jokes by successful comedians here, yet you get some los€r flaming the t¿umbs d○wn tab a hundred times. The sorriest s¡t€ on the internet.

   Aliens: Planet Earth is strange. The male of the human species' primary focus is to insert a body part into a stench filled opening of a female body part. There are exceptions that also make no sense..

   Marginalized People refers to those who prefer margarine over butter.

   F*ck cancer

   Aww poor baby! Do you want some cheese with your wine?

   "The president's economic reset over the next 3-6 months might be a little rocky...." A little? BAWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

   Your bark is worse than your bite... but your leg humping is quite pleasurable.

   Our world would be a much better place if Jesus would hold a press conference.

   Just when I think I'm not a very good Catholic, I remember that the previous Pope wasn't a very good Catholic either.

   If an old dude ever gives you advice while peeling an apple with a pocket knife and eating pieces right off the blade, you should probably take it.

   I wish I was a broad so I could look at my b00bs. Wait. I have b00bs. Never mind.

   What had 200 legs and no pubic hair? Front row at a Taylor Swift concert

   The president's economic reset over the next 3-6 months might be a little rocky, but the USA is entering a Golden Age of prosperity. Great for the kids! 🙂

   Dow extends longest win streak of 2025 as S&P 500, Nasdaq climb