Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Someone living in their grandmother’s basement used to be the butt of the joke. The rental market is so insane that now it’s like, dam, you’ve got a whole basement to yourself, that’s sexy.

   Her: The fences need painting and the car needs washing. Him: Kids! Who wants to learn karate.

   Pizzas are like dildos.. Just get a large, you'll get it all inside you eventually

   Oh, you have a 3D printer that you can print guns with? I'm not impressed, I've had a Canon for years..

   Putin is like that angry drunk guy at a party. Everyone is trying to calm him down but he's convinced he needs to fight someone.

   Justice Alito’s (draft) decision isn’t a ruling on anything other than Fed Overreach.

   If you did not oppose vaccine mandates, passports, you have zero credibility when you say, “my body, my choice.”

   There is no such thing as disinformation. There is only information you accept, and information you do not accept.

   The left’s attempts to silence ideas they cannot, or will not debate, is a confession of intellectual bankruptcy.

   Gavin Newsome savagely mocked for claiming men can’t get pregnant.

   You survived the winter of death. Let’s see how you do in the summer of starvation.

   Faking my own death and starting over with a new identity to reset my targeted ads algorithm.

   I loved being in my 20’s. A whole decade of being in my physical prime and mental rock bottom, what a dynamic.

   Male bees die right after mating. So, their whole life is… Honey, Nut, Cheerio.

   If Batman was real, he’d be the world’s least weird billionaire.

   No one deserves people chanting outside their home. No one

   You’re not bipolar, you’re just two stupid bi!ches in one.

   I think my neighbor must have hit her toe with a hammer, she’s screaming like that at 2:00am. Lol

   I love you, but I’ve chosen Rock & Roll.

   Today is the day, I can feel it. I will catch my tail. ~ Dog