Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I can't wait to hear Donald trump say: Obama, you're fired !

   If I win the lottery I'm going to travel the world asking the citizens if they've ever heard of snow. When someone says WTF IS SNOW I'm home

   Everyone thinks I dodged a bullet, but I think I shot the gun .

   Wanting the President to fail is like wanting the pilot to crash the plane we all just got on.

   Well ... Maybe if I renamed my package "Facebook" she might actually get on it

   Mariah Carey didn't give the performance that 2016 wanted, but she gave the performance 2016 deserved.

   Yet another celebrity death in 2016. RIP Mariah Carey's career!

   So, have all you rocket scientists who were still shooting off fireworks at 4am get it out of your system till the 4th of July?

   With the advent of the new year, we will see more technological advancements to make our lives easier. They will also be the cause of our ultimate demise. Everything has its price.

   I fell asleep at the wheel last weekend. My pottery was ruined.

   Dammit .... I already broke my New Years Resolution

   I'm feeling nostalgic. I remembered 2016 like it was yesterday

   Sheldon Cooper has scored more than Ohio State did last night

   The path to inner peace begins with 3 simple words....Not my problem.

   I hated hand-me-down clothing growing up ............. I had two older sisters

   If the planet is 4 billion plus yrs old. Is 2017 really the correct new year. . .

   my new years resolution is 1680 x 1050

   I just found my old Boom Box up in the attic. Anyone have 56 D-size batteries I can borrow?

   Another celebrity just died this year....RIP Ronda Rousa Boxing Career

   The Cleveland Browns have more wins in 2016 than Ronda Rousey