Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Dr, Seuss is my favorite rapper! Cat - Hat....sheer genius!

   Synonym - a word one uses when you can't spell the other one!

   Some days I'm not sure whether I am a Catholic or an angry Protestant!

   thinks people should stop dreaming about Happily Ever After and be Happy Just Now. Forever ~ ✿ ♬ ☮

   's dad asked him for a balloon ride, but he said "No, I don't wanna be a hoax"

   wondering why people think bartenders care about your misrable life. We dont! Now leave some cash and be on your way!

   My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her, so I said "Alright, fatty."

   no problems with buying tampons. I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a "proper" present. "Happy birthday, mum!"

   BREAKING NEWS - Obama just won an Oscar for watching a movie!

   IF SOMEBODY SENDS ME ONE MORE FARMVILLE INVITE THEN I WILL KILL YOU'RE ANIMALS AND SET FIRE TO YOU'RE CROPS!!!!!!!!!

   insists that EL Cucuy lives in her closet!

   ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶*´¨`* That's me granting you a wish. Simply comment your wish below and poof...you got it! LOL....

   keeping his hands clapping and his pecker in his pants...

   spooning with the cat tonight.

   my husband said he wanted me to tease him, so I said "Alright, fatty." I guess that's not what he meant. :(

   wonders if Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

   thinks everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

   My Reality Check bounced.

   my children are ARE well behaved!! everyone just has high standards

   .ʇı ʎuǝp oʇ ʎɹʇ ʇ,uop .ʍou ʇɥbıɹ ʎɐʍɐ puıɯ ɹnoʎ buıʍo1q