Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5024 of 6451

SpellCheck has saved MILLIONS of drunk morons, and has been the scapegoat for stupid people since it's invention.
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01-22-2016 10:44
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Wife giving you the silent treatment? Just tighten all the jar lids. That way she'll HAVE to talk to you.
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01-22-2016 11:12
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Oscars so white, Xbox Live wont let them be a player BLACK ops
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01-22-2016 12:43 by jbaby
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Why do people say "Tuna Fish" but they don't say "Beef Mammal" or "Chicken Bird?"
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01-22-2016 13:05
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Right now my life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-mart.
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01-22-2016 13:17
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"No thanks. I'm a Vegan." Is always a fun thing to say when someone tries to hand you their baby.
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01-22-2016 13:38
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Wife giving you the silent treatment? Just loosen all the jar lids and keep the silence going.

I don't need to post political things anymore. Trump has already won the election.
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01-22-2016 14:21
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Whoppi threatening to leave the US if Trump is elected is like an endorsement for Trump
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01-22-2016 14:57
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I can't believe America has become Fascist Country.
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01-22-2016 17:40
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Eating beans and an egg salad sandwich...this silent treatment from the wife should end in roughly 2 hours.
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01-22-2016 22:36
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You wanted Obama's birth certificate...well we want Sarah Palin's High School diploma
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01-22-2016 22:48
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I miss the days when I was smarter than my parents.
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01-22-2016 23:06 by snotty
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Sometimes it looks like I’m flashing gang signs, but really I’m just trying to get Scotch tape off my hand.
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01-23-2016 06:49 by huck
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"For birthdays, someone will blow air and spit on candles and a cake. Then—hear me out—people will eat it." -- the guy that invented birthday parties

Adele is an amazing singer. The problem is, when one of her songs comes on, everyone else thinks they are, too

Just once I would like to read a warning label that says "May cause permanent weight loss, remove wrinkles, and increase energy."
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01-23-2016 07:52
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Oh so you are tired of someone asking for their money back that you borrowed from them? How annoying of them. Here is a thought....PAY THEM BACK! They won't ask anymore.
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01-23-2016 08:52
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Just once I wanna see someone climbing Mt Everest with a cigarette hanging out of their mouth.
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01-23-2016 09:31 by snotty
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To convert Celsius to Fahrenheit,, you double the number in Celsius and add thirty.. To convert someone to Mormonism,, you double the wives and add 10 kids.
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01-23-2016 09:34 by snotty
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