Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   We Germans are happy to help and will give any American refugee who wants to flee from the US in case Trump becomes elected president

   "You da bomb! No you da bomb!" -A compliment in America; an argument in Syria.

   This years summer swimsuit look is going to be a little something I like to call... busted can of biscuits.

   Yeah Right,, like YOU'VE never told a screaming child in 7-11 you had a surprise for him,, reached into your pocket,, and pulled out a middle finger...

   I Google-Earthed your house...... You're out of toilet paper.

   I think all the women who don't get a rose on the Bachelor should at least walk away with a cat.

   FYI,, All I did from 1988-1994,,,, was try to get the shards of Cap'n Crunch out off the roof of my mouth

   Hmmmm,,, Why are long underwear like 42% crotch?

   look, tom hanks with his whole family!!! #hanksalot

   Watching this Sarah Palin Rally for Trump:....Did this chick use the words 'Bequested' and 'Pusssyfooting' as verbs??? OMG...SNL rating is going to go thru the roof!!! ....

   The steady fall of oil prices and subsequent decline of the Canadian dollar motivated me to diversify my investment portfolio from empties to Lotto Max.

   Girls who cut your shorts so that your pockets show. Why not just cut off the pockets? What are you hiding? Snacks? Tell me it's snacks.

   it, "kindergarden" or "kindergarten"?... I'm just wondering what grade level I need to start all over from.

   If a Donkey and Zebra ever mate they'd have to call the offspring a Zonkey because Debra is already taken.

   "That's not what I meant".................... *men

   I also refuse to turn the beat around........

   How would you know an albino polar bear if you saw one? (And don't say its eyes would be red. You wouldn't be able to get that close).

   Sarah Palin's son beats woman and yet she blames it on Obama? Haha, she should have raised a gentleman instead of a thug!

   Sarah Palin should also blame Obama for her daughter getting pregnant *sarcasm * Well her daughter is harder to pull out of than Iraq.

   Donald Trump really owes Sarah Palin, because he would never be a Presidential contender today if she had not so effectively lowered the bar in 2008.