Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I would win Dean's Award if Steve Harvey hosted my graduation.

   Just when I thought I'd never get the chance to hear a Presidential candidate say "schlong"..

   Tim Burton films used to be deep, now they're just depp.

   Cousins are Cool to see, Impossible to Forget and True to your heart.

   I'm an adult and I still believe in Santa clause, I figure why not? There's still adults who believe in Obama.

   i'm offened that people get offened

   Jesus was born in october. Just saying...

   All you have to do is copy and paste this status and FB will award 200 on people. FB is such a great mode of transporting lies to the naive.

   In the future we will type with our toes to keep our hands free for punching robots.

   FYI: A group of meth labs is called a "Missouri."

   Today is the official day for guys to start their Xmas shopping

   ♫♪ " ...It's beginning to look a lot like ̶̶C̶̶H̶̶R̶̶I̶̶S̶̶T̶̶M̶̶A̶̶S̶̶ El Niño, everywhere I go..." ♫♪

   I don't think we should put elementary school teachers in a position where kids can say " the president calls people ugly and losers so why can't I"?

   I dont think the ugly loser should become president!

   "Joseph was engaged to Mary, but she then revealed she's pregnant. You won't BELIEVE who she says the baby daddy is......Today on MAURY".

   somedays my inner child kinda runs the place

   If you're atheist so don't celebrate Christmas

   I celebrate Hanukkah instead it's much more chill and we don't have any silly stuff

   Thank You Santa for helping make Christianity less believable than it already was

   Watching and playing video games is probably my favorite holiday thing.