Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Has anyone ever noticed that Caitlin Jenner has man hands? So not sexy.

   Anyone at the self checkout you get an employee discount

   Steve Harvey got high with Colombians and made a mistakes.

   Will we be ushering in the year 2016 or 2015S

   Let's hope they don't hire Steve Harvey to announce who our next president will be.

   We asked 100 people (top ten answers on the board), "Who will never host live TV ever again?!"

   "Donald Trump for President" - Steve Harvey

   ♪ ♫ ♩ ♬...Oh the weather outside's delightful, the balance in my account is frightful, what happened to all my dough, I dunno, I dunno, I dunnnnoooooo...♪ ♫ ♩ ♬

   Pro Tip: If He/She is only free one day a week. They are only there for hook ups

   Columbia is going to invade phillipians......um did I spell that right? After watching the Pageant ...Im confused also

   secretly wishing that Steve Garvey will someday be announcing winners of UFC cage matches.

   If you ask for plastic grocery bags in Whole Foods, they put one over your head & suffocate you with it.

   HI, MY NAME IS JOHN ITS BEEN OVER 3 MONTHS SINCE MY LAST LOWER CASE LETTER... I JUST WANT TO SAY THANKS, ITS A DAY TO DAY BATTLE, BUT I COULDNT DO IT WITHOUT YOU GUYS.

   So apparently there are two types of white towels in my house. Ones to dry off,, and ones to touch if you want your fingers broke.

   I've never seen grown men more upset over a Disney Movie in my life.

   white privilege is Adam Sandler still being allowed to make movies.

   I tweeted to Steve Harvey tonight that he was still my favorite all-time host of Family Feud; but two and a half minutes later I tweeted again to tell him it is actually Richard Dawson

   my girlfriend told me she’s leaving me because of my Justin Beiber obsession, I responded “sorry, what do you mean?”

   You are having sex before marriage but when it comes to enjoying this bacon all of sudden ‘religion’ doesn't allow

   Relationship status: I don't need love. I need money right now.