Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "Cigarette butts are completely natural, bidegradable, and are in no way whatsoever litter" ~ Smokers

   Thus far, I have seen no benefit to growing up.

   Guess I guess I should get out of bed this morning, this world isn't going to dissapoint itself.

   I really like the people who say; "60 is the new 40" because I know if I borrow $60 from them, all I have to pay back is $40.

   This is a lousy dating site.

   In Heaven, donuts are glazed on both sides

   I see a couple of police cars were wrecked during last night's riots in Baltimore. Rather short-sighted of the black community, ruining 1 of their methods of public transport like that.

   How many blacks does it take to start a riot? Minus one.

   Dear Santa, Don't bring me anything this year as I've got every thing I need. Tyrone, aged 7 from Baltimore

   Right now, the only safe place in Baltimore is your nearest KFC.

   The good thing about a cell phone is you can be reached wherever you are....the bad think about a cell phone is you can be reached wherever you are.

   This new season of Ferguson is a Riot.

   I had no idea it was black Friday in Baltimore.

   I'm sure they'll recap the first round of this season of "Riots" on your local news channel in case you missed its premier.

   Comply & you don't die. Pretty simple concept.

   I had no idea Baltimore had won any type of championship!!!!

   I tried taking up the guitar recently to impress girls but they were disgusted when I could only get the neck in.

   Calling it Jerk Chicken is rude. Maybe it had a rough childhood, you don't know.

   Fun game for parents: Scream in horror the first time your child loses a tooth.

   yes ladies we see you checking us out at the gym too. I know when a girl looks at me and gets a little moist.