Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you "like" a photo from 2013, you just announced you're a creepy mf'er.

   Get back here you stupid b*tch so that I can love you.

   I think it's Funny how people are hating on Romo when their team's QB is sitting on the couch watching him still play.

   If I had a dollar for every girl that told me I was unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive.

   According to a new report that just came out, the average college freshman reads at a seventh grade level. Or if you're an optimist every seventh grader now reads at a college freshman level.

   Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here's the bad news. You just wasted it listening to this joke.

   On the TV this morning the weatherman said to dress warm if you're going outside. If you need a TV weatherman to remind you to dress warm, you've got bigger problems than the cold weather...

   Paul Revere had a time capsule. They opened it up after a couple of hundred years, and guess what they found? A stack of love letters from Barbara Walters..

   2014 you had your up and downs.. 2015 I'm to old for rollercoasters

   Family guy, in its satire, does convey a lot serious real world issues. "Archer", used the name IZEZ(spelling intended) much before. It's writers are from the most dramatic nation ever (Juice). Definitely this organization is created by one of them

   instead of 'free' healthcare or 'free' college how about some freedom, dam commies

   It is so cold out I just seen some chickens in line at KFC waiting in line for their turn in the deep frier.

   Today, for the first time in history - France did not surrender!! They actually fought!

   I thought Game of War was some kind of breast inhancement app. I was wrong.

   Ugh,, There's a SPIDER in my toilet,,, And I don't even remember eating a spider...

   *Sarah McLachlan holding me in her lap.... For just a few "likes" a day,,, You can help a poor guy that's starving for attention

   My fav iPhone 6 app,,,, Is actually still just "the telephone" one

   "To be is to do" - Socrates... "To do is to be" - Nietzsche... "Do be do be do" - Sinatra... "Beep beep beep" - R2D2...

   Gary Busey just kind of nonchalantly eating a tennis ball as a car salesman finishes up the paperwork... He thinks he's buying a hat.

   Still haven't taken down the Christmas tree. Screw it. We now have a Super Bowl tree.