Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I turned on my office light this morning....and boom....the news says North Korea has internet again, I don't think this is a coincidence

   For our next trick, we should hack into North Korea's TV system and put Jersey Shore on repeat...

   Joyous Festivus to the rest of us. May your feats of strength be superior and your grievances be few.

   Google has found that Ouija boards are one of this year's most popular toys. You know, because it wasn't bad enough dealing with your LIVING relatives...

   I wonder if Patrick Swayze goes up behind people in pottery classes and hugs them just to make other ghost laugh.

   I'm allergic to gluten free diets.

   I made up a new drinking/card game. Its very simple to play, you simply draw a card and if its black you take a shot. Oh yeah, I call it Ferguson.

   Just wanted to wish happy holidays to engineers of the electricals. Your postt manage to survive!

   Don't get too excited about Die-ins. They're not really dead! They're just acting like they can't take orders from police.

   A grown man should NOT know the names of the members of One Direction.....as I do.

   .Just found out former prez was hospitalized, was he covered by obamacare

   The Cosby Show. Where are they now? As far away from Billy Cosby as they can get. . .

   Attention Walmart shoppers... If you where on the bottom of the pyramid at cheer leading practice, you should not be wearing yoga pants. Thank You.

   They say whoever smelt it dealt it, so technically this weed is yours officer

   As punishment for hacking, Sony to send Justin Beiber on a North Korean tour.

   2014 was a good year, unless you were a brother resisting arrest, pointing a toy gun, selling illegal smokes or beating your lady...

   I bet Nike's socks labeled R or L are driving OCD people nuts!

   I think I'd rather be waterboarded than have to hear one more Xmas song.

   Whats the difference between Michael Brown and Michael Brown jokes? ... Michael Brown jokes will get old one day

   Women- God’s version of Rubik cube.