Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   it is good to see soccer marches happening at that tattoo festival in Brazil

   from where I come from helmets are won by motorcyclists not football players

   we have a bunch of soccer players in the USA ... we call them field goal kickers & they suck too

   Soccer is a microcosm of the inhabitants of the countries who participate in it. A bunch of crazy animals running around with no objective purpose.

   I've never watched the World Cup to actually watch soccer. I watch it for the fans that riots after their team loses.

   The rest of the world loves soccer. That's what Russia said about communism.

   How to tell if a woman is mad at you: 1.She's quiet 2.She's yelling 3.She acts the same 4.She acts different 5.She murdered you

   There's no such thing as hot lesbians. They're just chicks who had too much to drink.

   Dear Dad, Thanks for not pulling out! Happy Father's Day!!!

   Men that wear Crocs have seen every episode of 'Keeping up with the Kardashians'

   On a scale of 1 to leave 100 missed calls on my phone if I fail to reply your text message within 2 minutes, how crazy are you?

   Pick your toughest sucker players out.And put them in a ring with our worst nfl team, we'll still beat the S**t out of them

   No thanks responsibility, I have a Facebook account.

   I asked her how her day went 4 days ago and she is still telling me about it.

   Hi can you fill this prescription please? Sir this is just a post-it note with 'give me the good stuff' written on it.

   "How much for the super-cool fanny pack?" "Ma'am, that's a colostomy bag."

   Id like to wish myself a happy Pulling Out Day !!!

   You actually have friends? "Yeah, all 10 seasons on DVD!"

   I just need like 3 or 4 girls I can be faithful to.

   Reach for the stars and let your feet leave the ground now. Thanks for 40 years of great memories.