Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Since irons are like 1000 degrees, who's bright idea was it to make an ironing board the flimsiest contraption ever made??

   I had lunch today with a woman. Okay, so the woman was on a TV show eating at the same time I was. Okay, so the woman was Berta from Two and a Half Men.

   Religion is a crutch for weak-minded people who can't accept reality

   When your girlfriend says "Oh HE is my best friend" your relationship is already over

   I taught myself how to ride a bike... I hope you had better parents.

   atheists lash out in fear... there is no other rational reason for their aggressive behavior

   God didn't create man. Man created God. #TRUTH

   "He is risen! He is risen, indeed!" - That's what she said.

   .... He is risen .....

   The only kind of meat a priest can eat on Good Friday is Nun.

   Can we stop with all the stupid religion posts?! So you guys have differing opinions.. GREAT! Take it somewhere else-

   My wife and I have two very different ideas of what 'Sunrise Service' means.

   Jesus is ALIVE! Happy Easter

   Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time?

   hope it isnt wrong to put leftover Halloween candy in their Easter baskets.

   Today is EASTER GRASS bake day!!

   Looked all over and found no eggs,they were stacked neatly in a carton ,uncolored in the fridge...well played Easter bunny ..well played!!

   And then He said, "Don't be feedin any more homeless people until you have LED screens with this week's sermon in front of all my churches"

   How I met your mother? Well son, it was arranged.

   If she eats pizza with a fork, she isn't going to like being bent over the dining room table.