Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Gravity didn't seem this strong twenty-five years ago. :-/

   I don't drive a Corvette because I have a small p3nis. I drive a Corvette because I'm a bada$$. I'm sorry you aren't.

   A lot of folks are going to be upset that the Zimmerman jury didn't come to a verdict tonight. A prime weekend looting night, down the drain..

   I just walked into my house and yelled "Nobody I'm Home"....I think I need a dog.

   Excuse me Mr Zimmerman I know this isn't the right time but umm.. Who is that chick that sits behind you to the left?!!

   I think the #1 phrase that is guaranteed to make people argue is "what do you want to eat?"

   Its up to you if you want to feel like a million bucks or a bounced cheque.

   JAB. If the human race had no choice as to what color a child is at birth, prejudice wouldn't exist. . .

   Yo Zimmerman, I'm really happy for you and, I'ma let you finish, but OJ had one of the best racial trials of all time!

   Sharknado enough said!

   Only people who buy Corvettes are 40 year olds fearing mid life and his wifes social disabilities. Buy a real car.

   Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson will be starring on everyone's TV sets very soon

   The American flags on the moon have been bleached white from 44 years of solar radiation. Just great. If aliens ever attack, we've already surrendered.

   Just because shes your girlfriend doesn't mean she isn't someone else's ho.

   imagine Alicia Keys complaining in the grocery store, " THIS MILK IS EXPIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRREEEEEEDD"

   if my girl cheat on me she better cheat with 6 strong guys that can carry her casket

   Beer is good. Beers are better.

   why arent orphans good at baseball? They don't know where home is.

   Pool party at my house, Bring your own pools.

   For a change I'd like to meet someone who could be my potential soulmate and who is not halfway across the world.