Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I remember passing gum in school was like drug dealing....

   #IfWomenRuledTheWorld the wings on airplanes would flap

   1f you c4n r34d 7h15 you r34lly n33d t0 g3t 0ff 7h3 c0mpu73r 8^)

   AIR GUITAR for sale ...any offers?

   The first thing you should do when a cop asks you to get out of your car is tickle him, just to find out if he's really "all business".

   I like to go into a fitting room, wait for ten minutes and then yell out "Hey, there's no toilet paper in here!"

   Back in 82 I was told to wait a cotton picking minute... I'm still waiting, how long is that exactly?

   The hardest choice I have to make everyday is what to wear cause if I turn into a zombie I want to look good!

   Brady had 3 ring by the time tebow was 16

   My girlfriend yelled at me yesterday, "That's why we always fight...because you only hear what you want to hear!" "Thank you," I replied, "I HAVE been working out."

   I just clicked to go to games and got this message from Facebook; The server found your request confusing and isn't sure how to proceed.

   And I am not just another Brick in the Wall !!

   "For the last time woman, it's an ACTION figure!!!"

   I hate it when I go to a convenience store and buy something with a nice clean neat bill and they give you change with crumpled up bills that look like they came out of a coal miners pocket !

   I love how these photoshop models think they have "fans." Let's be realistic. Most of those people are not your fans, they just want to get you in bed.

   My head says, “Go to the gym.” but my heart says, “stay on the internet forever and eat!”!

   They say, “keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” The problem is, nowadays you can't tell them apart.

   I wounder if other birds look at pigeons in the same way that we look at homeless crackheads

   Tebow? And are you in love with him? Cuz you sure talk about him alot...

   First big snow fall of the season and the TV news is acting like the terrorism threat levels just moved up a spot or two.