Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I remember 2011 like it was yesterday

   Dear People taking photos of the expensive alcohol you are drinking and p0sting them: Stop it!!

   Blasting Chumbawumba, and I'm not gonna stop until the realtor showing the house next door pays me to.

   Slippery Slope of New Years Resolutions: 1st Resolution: Go to the gym every day. 2nd: Feel guilty for not going. 3rd: Pie.

   Facebook would be a lot better if they had an “Ignore all engagement and wedding posts” option

   You know you are in the hood when your portable GPS says "Drive faster and put me under the seat."

   Happy 20dozen!

   I'm hoping for major changes in 2012. Like getting ice out of the freezer and not having one piece always falling on the floor.

   2012 has arrived on schedule. Please wait until the New Year has come to a complete STOP before unfastening your seatbelts....

   Thou shall not call thyself a barbie, when thou looketh like precious!

   If you owe me money, until you pay me, don't expect any of our conversations to be pleasant.

   Relationships are like tattoos. They seem a good idea at the time.

   what a night it was.. I did the fox-trot, cha-cha, galop, paso-doble, and even the zapateado!!... I must of stepped on 5 damned leggo's on my way to the bathroom last night

   I knew getting married on New Years Eve was a bad idea.....

   So that means when its 2013 next year, the century will be a teenager and not talk to us, and will know everything

   Here is the line _____ do me a favor and don't cross it.

   hopes everyone had a great night, got drunk and woke up wearing someone else's underpants. Happy 2012!

   Ugly people are always the ones starting drama and fights since they know they have nothing to lose if they get beat down.

   just found out there was no pinatas at the new years party and I owe the host 479.00 for new lamps...haha

   I never get jealous when I see my ex with someone else, because my parents always taught me to give my used toys to the less fortunate.