Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Define birthday :-the only day in your life.....when your mother smiled when you cried.

   Hackers used to have skill. Now it just means someone who found a Facebook account that wasn't logged out.

   Happy Thanks Giving! Today I will stuff myself and eat all that I can, tomorrow I will eat the rest of the left overs and then I am going to quit cold turkey.

   Day 24: I am thankful that after today there will be no more I am thankful posts.

   will never understand why the Lions and Cowboys always get to play on Thanksgiving. Shouldn't the Patriots play the Redskins, and then steal their stadium?

   Centerpead.....? Someone needs spell check or to learn how to use it.

   God as my witness...I thought Turkeys could fly!!!!

   Happy Turkey Day, America! Don't forget to name the turkey and make everyone uncomfortable.

   I'm an organ donor, but I'm pretty sure all they're going to use is my liver for *after* photos.

   Because it's the season to give thanks, I would just like to say....you're welcome

   Does anyone even know the ending to the move "Monster's Ball"?

   referring to Thanksgiving as "Turkey Day" gives turkeys a false sense of accomplishment.

   Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Well everyone except you! (You know who you are).

   Dear Friends & Foes: I hate it when you greet or holla at me on my funny and witty status update. Stop raining on my parade. That's what the inbox is for.

   Some one really need to teach Facebook people the concept behind the saying, "If its not broken, don't fix it". The new NEWSFEED is just hideous. And now I cant filter sh!t that I hate.

   The Pumpkin pie ingredients pumpkin, spice, cinnamon, puree, sugar, Brown sugar actually sound a lot like the lineup at the strip club.

   I'm thankful for the end of prohibition.

   Maybe thats why she didnt win American Idol

   I'm pretty sure that lady from the Target ads is capable of killing anyone in her way.

   Arthur Carlson said As God as my witness...I thought turkeys could fly not Les Nessman