Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   changing seats on a bus may change your view... but not your destination

   If you're going to be original, be prepared to be copied.

   As Ole Fred Sanford would say, "You big dummy".

   Notice seen outside a Church: Please do not leave your Purse/Watch/Handbag/Mobile/Girlfriend/Boyfriend unattended. Others may think it`s an answer to their prayers.

   patiently waiting for the day when I need to set the alarm on my clock to wake up in the morning.

   says If you're going to be original, be prepared to be copied.

   Whenever I worry I've been wasting my time on FB, I cheer myself up by remembering I have never seen a Twilight movie.......

   in the dictionary everything starts with e.

   Bacon. The word alone deserves its own status.

   Wrote a screenplay called "Primal Justice" about a high dollar lawyer gorilla torn between his code of ethics & his lust for power/bananas.

   I think it's time for me to pick something to care about.

   I'm in Wisconsin for two more days which should be just long enough to lose enthusiasm for existence.

   "Love me tender." - pirate describing his fondness of breaded chicken

   Yelling "I DIDN'T INVITE YOU IN" doesn't work on spiders but it will freak out twilight fans.

   I've found "the more the merrier" to be a dangerously inaccurate cliché.

   n't Breaking Dawn already a movie starring Ron Jeremy?

   I wonder if my drug dealer is going to have any Black Friday deals.

   I really don't want a birthday card. Just give me the $4 you would've spent on it. If it makes you feel better sign your name on each dollar.

   A cool thing about being in a relationship is that when you make a mistake you get to hear about it 1,345,435 times.

   B!tches or not, 99 problems is still a sh!tload of problems.