Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If this really was a popularity contest I think you'd have to agree we all lose.

   It would be really convenient if Christmas decorations grew on trees.

   THIS JUST IN: Hooters seeks extra support due to unprecedented sagging.

   Women only need 3.5 inches to achieve maximum pleasure… it's called a credit card.

   Having your cell phone clipped to your belt is helpful for letting everyone know that you won't be getting laid tonight.

   Some girls say that they need a boyfriend to keep them warm in the winter. I just bought a coat

   Cheating is a choice... Not a mistake.

   Its much easier to to turn a friendship into love.. then love into a friendship.

   "It's impossible," said pride. "It's risky," said experience. "It's pointless," said reason. "Give it a try," said the heart.

   Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I shall die before I wake.....please log into my computer and delete my browsing history and temporary files before my mom sees it. My password is *******. Thanks

   A friend of mine said onions are the only food that can make you cry..that was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon

   Admit it....You once made a little kid cry, and then made them laugh so you wouldn't get in trouble...

   I've failed the mathematics test so many times I lost count.

   The best way to stop a charging bull is to take away his credit card.

   Never lie to an x-ray technician. They can see right through you.

   Women who wear $200.00 perfume obviously are known to have no common scents.

   In a recession, the most secure job is garbage-man. Business is always picking up.

   It takes a man to admit he's wrong....it takes a woman to get him to do it.

   If you don't want anyone to find out, don't do it.

   Are seniors from a church group in the hood submitting all these? or just the most moronic people new to the internet?