Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Just ran into a girl I've jerked it to on facebook...met her for the first time in public today...let's just say...wat a creeper

   Kim Kardashian's marriage was shorter than a midgets tie

   Go a whole year without wearing weave so I know its real.

   Attention Ladies : No Shave November is meant for men not women.

   What happens in Vegas stays on Facebook.

   I don't care about 11/11/11, the day I cant wait for is 6/9/69

   Damnnn, We about to get it cracking, like fat people on thin ice

   didn't know K. Kardashian was married, in the first place!!!

   I have just created a new Facebook group called, "I am using my neighbour's wi-Fi"

   The 'unlike' button is the closest we are ever gonna get to a 'dislike' button.

   Cop to a hooker: What would your mother do if she seen you out here doing this? Hooker: She'd kill me, this is her corner.

   Halloween. When guys dress up like the psychos they actually are. And girls dress up like the sluts they swear they aren't.

   For Halloween I went as a Republican: I bent them over and screwed them and they didn't even know it.

   Who the hell is Kim Kardashian and why should I care?

   Sex with altar boys? Nun for me, thanks

   You never know what you have... until the test result come out.

   God has a habit of changing nobodies into somebodies.

   Dear sneeze, If you're gonna happen, happen. Don't put a stupid look on my face and leave.

   Look to the left. Now look to the right. I just virtually b!tch-slapped you.

   That uneasy moment when someone is getting accused and taking some heat for something you did.