Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

   If I don't make at least one person scream, "WTF" then my day is not done yet.

   What does frozen beer, burnt pizza and a pregnant girl all have in common? A dumba$$ who forgot to take it out in time.

   Guess I better watch the end of this little baseball game so I can say tomorrow ' yeah I saw that,didn't think (___insert winner here___) would pull it off ! The lengths I go just to fit in. ;-)

   Childbirth is nothing compared to walking through tall grass with sh!tty a$$ Pokémon.

   Studying: The act of texting, eating, and watching TV with an open textbook nearby

   i like to scare girls a bit by telling them"We are going to meet my parents" on the first date.

   Halloween isn't really that different than any other day.. everyone's still pretending to be someone or something their not.

   If I wave at you, you better wave back and not make me look stupid!

   everybody is always the same thing for Halloween...drunk as sh*t

   I don't know what's more awkward, Answering Dora, Or sitting there in total silence while she stares at you..

   I hate it when someone else buys the things I mentally claimed

   Taking a test at school: My answer is Yes. If yes please explain...my answer is No

   Whoever said “nothing is impossible” has obviously never seen me doing nothing.

   I'm about to yell inside an envelope!....voice mail..b*tch

   Changing a whole text because you didn't know how to spell one word.

   going to murder the most awesomest person alive, but that would be suicide

   Judge: "Wen did you realised you hv been raped?" Prostitute: "When the cheque bounced"

   Saw a baby wearing a bib which read "This dumb ass put my cape on backwards"

   Sometimes you have to look back to see just how far you HAVE come. Dont dwell on the past. Things and people move into the past for a reason and do not make it into your present and future for a reason. You look back to gain perspective, not to gain doubt