Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   That depressing moment when your parents don't appreciate the hilarious child they have been blessed with :P

   Lost your pen = no pen. No pen = no notes. No notes = no study. No study = fail. Fail = no diploma. So NEVER, EVER lose your pen

   "Don't Be Smart With Me!".... Okay Mom,.... i'll just be dumb. Sounds great

   i try not to act suspicious when passing police even though I'm innocent O.o

   What's on the board: 2•54/57(7+5/8)²•ab-c³ What teacher sees: 2+2=4 What you see: すきうせちし what you remember: __________

   Dear children, When you look under your bed, what exactly are you planning to do when you find me? Sincerely, The Monster.

   Me? Stalk? Nah, I just observe... behind a tree... at night..in the rain

   Well, I'd like to help… but not as much as I'd like not to

   Ambulances & Fire Trucks would be more effective if they played "Move B*ich Get Out The Way" by Ludacris instead of a siren!

   hearing sirens.... They're must be a new batch at dunkin donuts

   Spongebob: "Can you hear me?" Patrick: "No, It's too dark."

   What I expect to see when I pull back the shower curtain: 99% Murderer waiting to kill me. 1% Empty shower

   Teacher: "Why are you late? Student: "I'm late?" Teacher: "You just missed an entire period" Student: "Are you telling me I'm pregnant?"

   Duct tape and bungee cords on someone's car says "watch out, I definitely don't have any insurance"

   Excuse me, teenage girl? You're not"cool and outspoken" when you go up to random people and say things like,"I hate your haircut," or "Your style is bad," You're a b!tch who deliberately hurts people's feelings in an attempt to get attention.

   Bama VS LSU.......Up for Bama..........Down for LSU

   They say that if a guy has big feet it means that he has a big pen!s. That just makes the thought of being raped by clowns even scarier.

   I can't decide whether The Nightmare Before Christmas is a Halloween movie or a Christmas movie.

   the best halloween treat a woman could ask for.

   Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream.. but Leonardo Dicaprio had a dream inside a dream inside a dream.