Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Facebook...this generations Rubiks Cube.

   You can always tell the pessimist on a cruise ship. He's the one wearing a shark suit the whole time.

   You cannot have a Zen garden with the little rake and sand if you also have a cat. Trust me.

   Why do mexicans have small stearing wheels?so they can drive with handcuffs on

   I still don't like it when the cat brings back dead mice and voles, but at least at this time of year they act like cute little hand warmers as I clear them away!

   Q-What do you call a mexican on a riding lawnmower? A-Promoted

   What's up with the Mexican jokes, they are so lame! Come up with something better...LOL

   Fah-Q, Fah-Q and Fah-Q!! Whose next?

   Breast awareness month: we stare because we care

   Has a dream that one day, all women will be judged not by the content of their character but by the contents of their blouse....

   Once you're on the third movie, isn't it just Normal Activity?

   And to think, you were the fastest swimmer on conception day!

   Blaming guns for killing people is like blaming forks for making Rosie O'Donnell fat.

   HEY amerikanski, if your country is so good why you still in Iraq and fat?

   Amazing, if you type the word that is your password facebook will turn it into asterisks. It works believe me... my pw is: *******

   im ont a big fan of twilight but it does help the ego hearing the ladies say how sexy they think Edward is

   believes that I date the same man over and over just in different wrappers...

   You can say anything about the Amish on Facebook, there not going to see it.

   If an astronaut killed another astronaut on the moon, would he be arrested when he got back to earth? The only person on earth that can decide this is Miss Universe.

   you know we're getting lazy as people when you see "ready in 5 minutes" and you roll your eyes