Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Smile, and the world will smile with you. Laugh and they'll all think your on drugs.

   The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

   I get re-pissed about an old situation whenever I have a flashback about it.

   If it begins with Twi, Bieb, or Kardash, I'm not interested.

   Trying to explain to my blackberry with the death of Mr. Jobs that usually we take a MOMENT of silence not DAYS!!

   Just because your neighbors aren't on vacation doesn't mean you still can't go through their mail.

   This laundry detergent says I get 20oz free, but the cashier says I still have to buy the whole bottle. :(

   I don't want to hear you complain that you can't afford basic cable when you play $20 a week on the Lotto.

   Lets Be Honest, slow internet, is worse than bad sex.

   2 THINGS THAT DON'T MIX - Me and my ex

   $1200 for a redbone hound pup....fn puppy pimps!!!

   " IDK Google it " When your kid asks you a question you know nothing about.

   I cut a chunk out of my thumb at work today.HALF-DAY, BOOYAH!

   Should I wear my top up... or down ... or up... or possibly... tucked in?

   We should be able to Text 911, you know, just in case you're hiding from a serial killer and can't talk.

   Just spent some time manscaping. Planning to donate to 'Locks for Love'.

   When something bad happens you have 3 choices, You can either let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.

   Dear Blackberry, I think it's nice that your honering Steve Jobs death with a 3 day silence.

   How many of my friends out there update their status' on their Blackberrys?....well?....Hello....<crickets>

   You know, it wasn't always called bipolar. It once was called "being a b!tch"