Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   radios in car wasn't tell the 50s numbnuts

   Ahh good ole, Facebook mobile. Or as I like to call it, "WALK-N-STALK".

   peta=people eating tasty animals.

   I'm not a Gynacologist, But i'll have a look.

   I want Bieber-canceling headphones.

   I need a woman who understands me, Not one who criticices me for arranging my Beanie Babie's by phylum.

   So, who else here can't open up a bag of "Bugles" without putting one on each finger and pretending to be a bear?

   Q. Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy? A. He did okay until his business fell off.

   I haven't shenaniganned in about six years. I've hooliganned, I've no-good-nicked, I've ne'er-done-well, just yesterday I found myself rabble-rousing... but yup, its time to Shenanagin again.

   Hummer: The best way to prove that you can have money AND bad taste.

   Sorry hun but I'm not a doorknob where everyone gets a turn I'm more of a casino were only the lucky ones hit the jackpot

   Muslim sex dolls are the by far the best. Not only are they all virgins, but they blow themselves up!

   For a long time dogs were a mans best friend. Then porn took over.

   its National Coming Out Day. What ever you do don't take that call from Grandma. Trust Me on this.

   getting suspicious of my wife. Every time I come home early our parrot yells, Quick, Out the window.

   Does anyone else feel like their in a horror movie... EVERYTIME they step in the shower? Or is it just me?

   Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70? Every time she gets to 69 she gets a frog in her throat.

   My WTF moment of the day... Two pretty girls poke me..Then proceed to slap a fresh pic of them with their Bf on their wall.. wtf!

   To Tweet.. or Not to Tweet..? That is the question... Whoa..Wait! I DID NOT just Say that!

   Why don't you go buy a diary Instead of posting your whole life story on Facebook?