Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I tried to grow a weed plant before, it didn't turn out so good. Gardening wasn't my calling

   Happy Couple = She does what she wants & He does what she wants.

   We all have that one person we forever regret giving our phone number to.

   Ladies, I can either play with your heart or with your boobs. Its your choice.

   If you get angry, just relax, take a deep breath and count to ten, unless you're angry about oxygen and numbers.

   It's sad to see how people seem to put more effort into their wedding than they do into their marriage.

   A true love story has no ending, pauses yes, but no ending.

   Strive to make your dreams and your reality one and the same!

   Tomorrow is not guaranteed - and that applies to relationships too. Love for today for tomorrow you may break up.

   Q. What's DNA stand for? A. National Dyslexics Association

   4 shots of 5 hour energy this morning, not only do I look like I have Parkinsons, but I can actually see sound waves resonating when people talk to me.

   Look. If there's a chick wearing a dog collar in her profile pic, she's got a friend request coming from me. Period.

   The worst part about the Hank Williams Jr remarks and backlash is that Toby Keith will most likely write a song about it now....

   I personally think that Hank Jr is just laying the groundwork for a stint on Dancing With the Stars........

   Lazy rule #1257687895 : You so lazy you didn't complete reading the number!

   Seduce my mind and you can have my body. Find my soul and I'm yours.

   My greatest fear is that I will accidentally use the status update as the search bar.

   hates people that take drugs… customs for example

   i write like this and not "lYk DiS" because I'm an adult and I'm not retarded

   You know how sometimes you can just tell when someone's had enough of you for one day, so you back off and leave them alone? Me neither.