Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A fat girl on her knees gives new meaning to the word, "Ball Hog!"

   I'm 6 weeks. Now make me a Goddamn sammich.........

   Has anyone else noticed that Miley Cyrus looks an awful lot like Hannah Montana?

   I love women's mentality "I said 'leave and never come back' but all I really want is you to stand outside my window throwing pebbles screaming 'I'm in love with you'!" - Taylor Swift

   Taylor Swift must be the first person to have something given back to her after a black man stole it

   When Barack Obama was giving his speech after being elected as president, he had to do it behind three inch thick bullet-proof glass. I thought that was a bit harsh - just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot anyone.

   Katy Perry's new video is so unrealistic, all those people exploding and not a Muslim in sight.

   my status is just an another update on the wall !

   You know the bars are closing when you see drunk girls in high heels walking down the street with the grace of newborn baby giraffes.

   I am WANTED by Stalkers...I am NEEDED by Beggars...I am FAMOUS by Gossipers...I am POPULAR by Haters... But they are all..."NOTHING" to me.

   The drunk text from a guy you decided not to go home with is like the ankle grab from someone you just shot

   People in relationships are so lucky they don't have to worry about what they look like anymore.

   Justin Beiber always sings about girls, she must be a lesbian

   have you ever wondered that "Baba blacksheep" and "ABCD" has the same tune?? ;)

   I think that the term "wife beater" wins the award for most Widely accepted unacceptable phrase.

   Peggy - "Tell me you love me, Al - "I love football, I love beer, let's not cheapen the meaning of the word."

   Who needs love when you've got a gun?

   Sex is one of the 9 reasons for reincarnation, the other 8 are unimportant.

   What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted, and sometimes, just to be held. What Men Want: Sex

   People always look for that one flaw or mistake to bring you down and ignore all the good you have ever done.