Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I know my limits. I don't pay any attention to them, but I know them

   I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be Nobody so when I see stupid crap people post, I can Like it. And it will say Nobody Likes This.

   The DC Earthquake was caused by direct reverberations from the opposite side of the Earth. It's from China jumping up and down in anger when they realized they're not gonna get their money back.

   In the past, when you were angry with someone you fought them. Now you just delete them off Facebook. That'll teach 'em to f*ck with you.

   I think at this point, the Beastie Boys are more concerned about Medicare coverage. Than the right to party

   I just realized that Mr. Rogers had the first man-cave.

   Hey Florida, if you need an Ark, I Noah guy!!

   ..... That was no earthquake in DC ......... that was a warning shot!!!!

   I call dibs on everything, ever. Sorry, it's out of my hands now. I'll be by to pick up all of your stuff later. Or MY stuff, rather.

   BREAKING NEWS: Fox News blames Obama for the earthquake. Also for herpes, World War 1 and "All My Children" getting cancelled.

   It's now being reported that two earthquakes hit the New Jersey area. In other words, Snooki fell twice.

   RETRO BREAKING NEWS: NBC, ABC, CBS, CNN, and MSNBC blames Bush for Katrina. Also for herpes, World War 1 and "All My Children" getting cancelled.

   #ThatMomentOfHappiness when you see your ex and they're doing worse without you in their life

   it messed up that I place some 1 else's parking ticket on my car so I wouldn't get one...I was going to put it back when I got finished with my business but they pulled off.. Now they might get charged a extra $10 for not paying on time

   I'm not that vain, but that song is about me.

   Get OVER the FOX Bashing!! If you spend all day watching all stations?? Then shut UP!! I believe in Fain & Inbalance.. I'm just saying..

   My typical morning where I can turn water into coffee!!

   Grocery shopping right after a buffet dinner sucks!!

   Obama is going to announce a new plan to get Americans back to work but it won't air until after Labor day.

   You're Profile Picture had me at Hello... as in Hello, Report/Block, Goodbye that's a Fake Profile B*tch!"