Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Games will be played, lies will be told, hearts and promises will be broken, feelings will be hurt, tears will fall, people will change, trust will be betrayed, and rumors will spread. But through it all, life will always go on.

   To people who say love is more important than money, have you ever tried paying your bills with a hug?

   I just saw a baby with a t-shirt that said, "I'm what happened in Vegas!”

   Sluts should be called, HUMPTY DUMPTY. Coz first they get HUMPED, then they get DUMPED.

   When a girl stomach hurts it is always blamed on 1 of 2 "P" words by everyone... Period, Pregnant.. <--words do hurt :(

   A true friend sees the first tear... catches the second... and stops the third

   Falling In Love With You Is The Second Best Thing I Have Done .. Finding You Is The First ♥ ..

   on a (̅_̅_̅(̲̲̲̲̲̅̅̅̅̅̅(̅_̅_̲̅м̲̅a̲̅я̲̅l̲̅b̲̅o̲̅r̲̅o̲̅̅ ̅_̅_̅()ڪے break !!

   may the bridges I burn light my way...

   IN CASE OF FIRE: Please exit the building immediately before updating your Facebook status about it.

   If you get a tattoo on your face of another person you can pretty much guarantee you and that person is probably homeless

   Today is "Work Like A Dog Day". SO, I shall eat, sleep and wag my tail. Oh and maybe slobber a bit.

   Why do I always crave Chick-Fil-A on Sunday and Outback Steaks at lunch time?

   What happens at the sleepovers, Stays at the sleepovers.

   Do it today. it might be illegal tomorrow.

   " Dude,I wasn't that drunk." "....you gave a mushroom to a midget and kept yelling 'GROW MARIO GROW!'.

   I was at the red light beside a car load of mexicans when a semi ran over top them. I thought, dang that could've been me. So I got my CDL's

   "I'd like to thank my celebrity life-coaches Mel Gibson, Charlie Sheen, Nicholas Cage, Wesley Snipes, & Nick Nolte for the overwhelming positive effect they've had on my recent life."

   GHETTO WORD OF THE DAY: OMELETTE- "Imma punch fit what you jes said, but OMELETTE this one go this time.

   Zoo tip: Real Tigers often do not follow the rules of "Eenie meenie miney moe"