Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Thanks to Facebook, I now know what everyone's bathrooms look like, one mirror at a time.

   When I hear you say: "We need to work together." What I hear is you saying" "I'm not smart enough to complete this task."

   When you bring the Taco Bell 12 pack of tacos to the party. You won't be finding yourself invited to a lot of parties.

   Sales of Lady Gaga's newest CD have dropped 85% in the second week. As people have started actually listening to it.

   A hello to those that may think you are crazy is only a wake-up call to those living on the other side.

   I didn't look so great today, but my simple hello with a smile made someone else feel really great.

   If you let people judge you, then how would you know what is your greatest limit?

   God please give me the power to walk away when another god wants to take your place!

   What do you get if you cross pms with gps?.... A Bit-h that can find you!

   If life gave Lady Gaga lemons, she'd probably make an outfit out of them.

   would like a minute of your time dear friends...I'm collecting them in order to create an extra hour for me to sleep!

   ... and then confuse people into thinking it's the rest of your previous status update when it isn't.

   I bet it takes a female kangaroo forever to find anything in her pouch.

   Best of luck to Ja Rule today as he enters Ja il.

   I think Weiner's next press conference should be in a Brett Favre jersey....

   No man knows more about women than I do, and I know nothing.

   You know.... I have gotten some really great bathroom decorating tips from Facebook.

   If the universe wanted me to be thin, food wouldn't taste so good

   Be happy in front of people who don't like you, it kills them

   I would jump in front of train for you ♥ as long as its not moving :D