Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   looking for some good end-of-the-world bargains today and tomorrow

   The Rapture is this weekend nobody make any plans! WAIT JUST A MINUTE this came from the guy that predicted that Judgement day was happening September 6, 1994.... I wonder how that worked out for him?

   looking forward to all of the job opeings after the rapture happens...

   I don't care if being apathetic is wrong.

   i have an apt up for grabs furnished and all, the only thing I ask is if you give it back to me after saturday May 21!

   wondering if anyone's considered the possibility that the Mayan calender ends on 12/21/2012 not because it's the end of the world but because they just couldn't be bothered to add any more pages to it?

   Did you know birthday cake is the only food you can blow on and spit on and everybody still rushes to get a piece?

   Why is that the world is always going to end on a weekend? Why not Monday morning, ideally before I have to get up and go to work?

   Well Brittney you have two days left of dancing until the world ends...

   hopes those of you who aren't funny are the first do go on saturday.

   it's not that I'm bad at remembering names, I'm just awesome at forgetting them.

   since the world is ending on saturday you should send pictures of your breasts now before it's too late.

   Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools and idiots are on the same side.

   The term “nymphomaniac” has been shortened to “college girls”.

   Maybe nows a good time to change my status from aethist to very religious and it's complicated.

   I'm opening up a special school for b@#$tard maid babies, I'm calling it "The Oprah Winfrey School For Bas@#d Maid Babies"

   Someone should tell Palin that using the term "lamestream media" makes her sound like an '80's movie bully. But maybe I'm just a spazwad.

   WARNING: If you can read this, then you are too close to procrastinating.

   I think instead of the "Poke" button on Facebook there should be "Punch in the Face" button.

   Beyonces new song is so horrible i'd rather hear Betty White & John McCain make sex noises.