Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   With all the money used during war in afghanistan, the americans could have written f*ck off bin laden on the moon!

   I got an e-mail saying 'At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!' I thought "That's just spam."

   The 3 C's of life…Choice, Chance, Change...Make the Choice to take the Chance if you want to Change.!!!

   if a fly could stop all its nonesense I think it could produce honey

   sorry about thoes texts I sent last night, my phone was drunk.

   was drinking at the bar, so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before.

   You can't buy happiness but you can buy icecream which is kind of the same thing!

   I love how, in scary movies, the person yells out, "Hello?" As if the bad guy is gonna be like, "Yeah, I`m in the kitchen! Want a sandwich?

   I'm not sure who the heck Martha Graham is, but damn she inspired a great Google Doodle today.........

   Having lived and loved, I can tell you that life is the constant and love is the variable

   its sad when fat girls lose weight only to discover they dont have a pretty face.

   knows if you like drunk girls in high heels, you may also be attracted to newborn ponies

   i spent $1 at the bar last night......156 times!!!!!!

   It's a sad situation when a fat girl does her best to lose weight only to discover that even with her new slim body, she is still unable to attract boys.

   I saw a charity appeal in the newspaper the other day, and it read “Little Zuki has to walk 13 miles a day just to fetch water”. And I couldn't help thinking, she should move.

   If 10% is good enough for God, it should be enough for the IRS!

   Not all MODELS are necessarily sexy and attractive enough to shag

   It's bad enough when a friend says.."Hold my beer while I try this.."..but when your Doctor says that???

   We are born wet, naked, and hungry. Then things get worse

   I got an e-mail saying '"At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!" I'm thinking, that's just spam.