Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It hasn't even been 36 hours and the "Bin Ladn set the world record for hide and seek" joke is already overused and stale. That in itself is a world record.

   Now that Bin Laden is dead, can I finally bring shampoo on a plane?

   hoorah to navy seal team 6 for taking out public enemy #1. any chance we can send these guys after whoever is setting the gas prices?

   Take this Charlie Sheen: Ebay just told me I'm "winning!"

   sick of all this Osama Bin Laden news already - OK, he'd gone, great. What do I have to do to get a Charlie Sheen update?!!

   just returned from Pakistan--does anyone know how to clean the dirt out from under your nails? no specific reason as to why.

   just like a good strom--slept right through the Royal Wedding.

   they should have captured bin laden, tied him to a tree filled with ants, then let all his victims stab him with a toothpick to death

   Trump: OBL is still alive...he is in a cave in the Tora Bora Mountains with Obama's Kenyan birth certificate

   cant believe the yanks but the bin out on a bank holiday

   I'm thinking about becoming a psychic...But I don't know what people would think.

   I shot Big Foot and dumped him in the ocean before I could get any pictures.

   Because of cell phones, kids today will never know what it's like to choke their friends with a phone cord.

   Jim Morrison was right: People ARE strange.

   Regardless of whether or not I should know better, I thought we had already established that no, I do not.

   I will never be too old to enjoy driving by a stranger, honking, and waving just to see the confused look on their face and awkward wave back.

   After years in hiding, Osama Bin Laden walked into a bar. He ordered a shot and water chaser.

   I hate Walmart. The men's bathroom doesn't have any urninals! Just a bunch of women screaming telling me to get out

   Let's play a game. Let's pretend we're in love. lets text each other all the time, just for the fun. Whoever falls in love first, loses.

   tragic fail: the moment you realize that swig of milk is spoiled and its too late, you swallowed!