Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Happy Easter and remember kids, watch out for Obama supporters. They will take 1/2 your eggs and give them to the kids who were to lazy to hunt for their own......

   Dear Bible, you forgot to include us in your story. Sincerely, the dinosaurs

   just broke my damn thumb again!! Really need to take it out my a*se before I sit in future..

   Success is a process... During that journey sometimes there are stones thrown at you, and you convert them into milestones

   sitting here watching out the window as the neighbor kids are finding the "chocolate" eggs I put out.. they came out great. Ex-lax was alot harder to mold than I thought it was gonna be...

   They tell us not to put all our eggs in one basket, then Easter comes and they only give us one basket!

   Easter can be just as much fun as an adult as it was as a child. Just paint and hide beer cans instead of eggs. Happy Easter!

   Too many hollier than thou people with no sense of humour around.

   If I dont see you this Easter, Hide your own balls

   Happy Easter Yolks!

   I do more drinking before 9:00 am than most people do all day.

   Painting beer cans for later.... Happy Easter!

   Happy Easter to all of my Chicks and Peeps!

   Okay ladies, here is the deal, we will stop talking about masturbation if you stop talking about your period. Fair trade.

   Every time I bite the ears off of a chocolate bunny only to find out it's hollow, I feel ripped off.

   If I'd have been in Jerusalem when Jesus had risen from his tomb, I'm pretty sure I'd have been the only idiot to poke him with a stick and yell out "The Zombie apocalypse has begun!"

   Cooking up some hasenpfeffer. Thanks Easter Bunny, bawk bawk.

   ♫Just let your soooouuuuul glow baby, feeling oh so silky smooth. Just let it shine through yeah. Just let your soooouuuul glow oooo....(Soul glow) ♫

   I like to bury my huevos every day, not just today

   I am risen today too... if it lasts for more than 4 hours, I need to go to the ER though.