Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated."

   Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes? (A} Almost Boobs {B} Barely there, {C} Can't Complain! (D) Damn! (DD) Double Damn! (E) Enormous! (F) Fake. (G) Get a Reduction. (H)Help me, I've fallen

   The older I get, the more I come to realize that I just don't care what the hell others think.

   BBC NEWS: Apple sues Samsung for 'copying' . Samsung retaliate with name calling and telling the teacher.

   Nails didn't keep Christ to the cross, His love for you did. Have a Happy Easter.

   Happy National Employer Random Drug Testing Day everyone!

   The whole idea of april 20th puzzles me.. hitlers brithday? the columbine high school shootings? why celebrate tragedy? so many questions, so many questions

   Facebook needs a "People you need to delete" list....

   I phoned up a big company today to complain. I said, "Can I speak to the Chairman please?" The snooty woman on the phone replied, "Actually it's ChairWOMAN." I said, "Oh, okay, in that case can I speak to the Vice Chairman please?"

   I am on hold. My call is important to them.

   Just got scammed out of $25.00, Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes. " Turns out it's about golf. Absolute waste of money. Pass this on so others don't get scammed. Best Regards, Charlie Sheen

   People change its a part of life, but sometimes its easier to hold on to the memories of who they were... rather then to realize who they have become...

   Facebook.. Where ugly people try to convince the world that they're cute..

   You never truly understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.

   Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen or oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

   'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

   If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught

   Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.

   F*cking a mannequin is not an excuse to tell your friends you're banging a model.

   Within 7 seconds of meeting a girl, I decide whether or not I will sleep with her. Convincing her the rest of the night is the tricky part.