Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I know this is bad taste... But do you think this means we'll be seeing an increase in Japanese Superheroes?...

   remembers when sex was safe and sky diving was dangerous...

   Just found out that being a "person of interest" is not as cool as it sounds.

   wondering.. If Jesus really IS the answer, does that mean you can write =Jesus for every answer on a test ... ?

   When I die, I want to buried with an elephant bone. Just to screw with future archiologists.

   There was a box of donuts at work today with a note on it saying "help yourself". Great advice I thought. So I didn't have any donuts.

   I miss the old “This is your brain on drugs” ad ‘cause I now do, in fact, have some questions.

   Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do.

   smart phones seem to be more high maintenance than a pet...calm down blackberry, I'm adapting to your ways of communicating...

   So Mr. Sandman...since you've abandoned me for the sake of other's slumber, I've decided to move on. Advil PM, start digesting and work your magic.

   Thank you Google homepage image, for reminding me to bust out my Bunsen burner and heat, sterilize or combust something in tribute of Robert Bunsen's 200th b day. Where would laboratories abroad be without you, burner of Bunseness...

   If I ever get arrested, do I have a good enough friend to come to my house and clear my browseer before they can obtain the search warrant??

   Thursday 31st March is National Cleavage Day, a day to work it, love it & celebrate it.!! (@)Y(@)

   Sometimes I think you should put a condom on your head, because if you're gonna act like a d.ck, you might as well dress like one too.

   Reminder: National Atheist's Day April 1st.......

   Picking your nose doesn't mean you're a bad person. It's what you do with the booger.

   What ever happened to Sex, Drugs and Rock 'n' Roll ? All we got left is AIDS, Crack and Techno !

   the difference between OooooH & AaaaaaH is About three inches......

   A good man is hard to find, or is it the other way around, a hard man is good to find?

   Wonders...Do you think the guy that invented the vibrator heard voices saying, "If you build it, they will come