Baddie Funny Status Messages

   Michael Jackson has been dead a long time but moonwalking still makes people uncomfortable at children's parties.

   You can't spell "housewife" without "ho."

   Planning a wedding with your fiancé is good practice for divorce.

   Pretty sure I'll pet an owl before I have sex again.

   Kim and Kanye turn to each other, nod, and smile as the baby comes out immediately crying in auto-tune.

   A ‘bad' woman is exciting and she's the kind of woman a man never gets tired of being around.

   Suicide bombers invented blow jobs.

   Reverse cowgirl or as I like to call it: Damn woman, you forgot to wipe!

   I love gas stations that sell fireworks, that's like prostitutes that sell rope and shovels

   There's something about you I don't like, but I can't seem to put my middle finger on it.

   Do ugly people know they don’t really have to use their real photos as their profile pics?

   Hello? Hey, sorry for calling so late. It's Dorothy. From the internet. Facebook. Sorry, I just... was that status about me?

   I'm impressed with how much passive aggression a woman can pack into the letter "k."

   Error 404: Virginity not found!

   I don't chase after girls, unless I have my inhaler with me.

   Boy, pregnant women don't like to be called "b!tches" at ALL!

   When I'm hungry, I call you. When I'm horny, I call your friend.

   How bad must the rest of the sperm be if the one with Downs Syndrome wins the race?

   What's up with these people in Pakistan getting stoned to death? What kind of weed are they growing there?

   The mile high club is bullsh*t unless you're both anorexic!!